STORY TIME

One beautiful summer morning I set out for a bike ride as the sun began to rise. You know, the "If the sky's awake, I'm awake" type of thing. It was summer break of my Junior year in college (2011) so I was spending the break at my parent's farm in Iowa. The air was cool and the grass heavy with dew as I cut across the yard. It was a very active morning, as I was not the only one out and about. The birds acted as if they had not seen each other in months and had much to catch up on; the evergreens vibrated with excited chatter. The livestock on the farm were also up and ready to start the day. It was about chore time so they bellered, making sure nobody forgot they were hungry. I left the noise behind me as I made my way towards the vacant road. 

For the city folk (which, technically, now I am a city folk) driving through the countryside is a beautiful, relaxing escape from the city. Everything moves slower and the scenery is much more enjoyable. But, you don't truly experience the countryside until you are out of your vehicle and into it, completely enveloped by the presence of life all around you and how it interacts and survives off one another. The rain feeds the grass, the grass provides protection for the rabbits, the coyotes snack on the rabbits, etc etc. Hike some trails, bike down a gravel road or walk along a creek to get the full effect. Nature is beautiful and one of my favorite ways to enjoy it is by bike. 

Back to the story:
So I'm biking along and soaking it all in. The road is pretty vacant this morning and I've only met a handful of vehicles. You can tell what kind of person is driving by the way they interact with you. The polite, kind-hearted Iowan will extend the 'Farmer Finger Wave' every time, that's a proven fact. The other jabronis will zoom right past not even noticing you, as they were busy throwing cigarette butts out the window. Luckily, I had only met a couple farmers out doing chores so far.

I'm riding along the shoulder of the road when I see some rustling coming from the long grass of the ditch. It's pretty common to see farm cats trompsing around looking for field mice so I speed up to see if it's having any luck. I get close and see it's a gray cat that must be hot on the trail of some rodent cuz it's digging like crazy. It hasn't noticed me yet so I bike about three feet from it and give a short little "Meow". It whips it's head around and that's when I see it's not a cat, it's a goddamn badger. A badger who's dirt-covered face reads "Kill, Kill, Kill". A badger who was more than likely inches away from his next meal until my dumb ass drops in and meows like a kitten. I'm not telepathic but I can read faces pretty well and this one said "If you want to keep your leg get the hell out of here. Now!" So with a short whimper I get onto my bike and bolt out of there. I make it home in record time. 

I like to try and learn one new thing a day. The popular Albert Einstein once said:
"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning."

On that day I learned: Lance Armstrong blood-doping ain't got shit on badger adrenaline.